Awww, isn’t this such a loving picture.
Valentines Day just passed about two weeks ago, so I decided I should just talk about it since its such a universal topic. Sometimes I wonder, how do couples actually know if they are the right one for each other? Or as a matter of fact, how do they even get into a relationship? I guess, physical appearances do play a big role after all, considering its impact during the early stages, with general perceptions of physical attractiveness exert a consistent positive impact on relational formation. But how do these people actually get along?
Relationships can be formed by similarities and complementaries. In some cases, we tend to form relationship with those we perceieve as similar to us as it naturally reduces the arguments and a common attitude as to their preference of activities together. On the other hand, we can form relationships with those who are completely different with us, bearing in mind that they function better together than separately, sharing all benefits together. Conflicts can arise in these cases because of the differing views and perceptions, but usually they work well in bringing the couple closer together.
There’s this filtering theory by Duck, to screen potential relational partners. This can apply to friends too, not only lovers. Through this theory, I learn that sharing information about yourself with your other half that he/she may not know is very essential in a relationship. Don’t you think this would only add spice to the relationship and make it more interesting and sustainable? This self-disclosure will exhibit trust and commitment in the relationship. For example, when you are unhappy with him/her, voice out your unhappiness! As you can tell, some partners can be daft at receiving non-verbal cues and just continue thinking that everything has been alright all along. You wouldn’t want that too, right!
In my previous case with a former ex-boyfriend, this would be the crux of the problem I would say. Everytime there was unhappiness or conflict over a matter, many times it wouldn’t be resolved but instead just chucked aside instead, brewing up all the unhappiness inside and hiding it. To be able to tolerate the other party is totally different from being the “good” one and giving in. We never knew there was so much grudge growing inside that one day when we both reached our threshold, we just exploded at each other and that was when all the unhappiness was voiced out. I would deem the relationship as an unhealthy one, and I really hope that there aren’t too many other couples in the world like that! :/
with friends and family, form a relationship based on similarity and complementaries. apart from lovers, even as friends we apply the filtering theory, and its impt to have self disclosure. personal experience of why broke up with ex boyfriend, no meeting of relational needs, over-benefitting will rationalize. Computer mediated communication does indeed has its drawbacks, you can’t bring forth tones very well, and our misunderstanding was partially due to that very same reason too.
